The art of masterbation

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The art of masterbation

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Masturbation is "me time"—plain and simple. So do your best to pretend the outside world doesn't exist buh-bye, phone and tune into what's going on inside your bod.

Instead, she suggests "paying attention to sensations"—not unlike how you pay attention to your breath when meditating.

That's because using your mind to zero in on the pleasure can seriously enhance your orgasm. And that's, ya know, kinda the whole point.

This one might seem obvious, but so many people skip it. Locking your door, even if you're home alone, can help you focus on play time by clearing your brain of any worry of someone barging in.

Sometimes that's all your mind really needs to get centered. It's not that it's so much about secrecy but about privacy, explains certified sex therapist and somatic psychologist, Holly Richmond , PhD.

Feeling like you have to keep things secret and hurrying up or hiding it in some way typically has more chances of creating shame around it. In some cases, though, says Richmond, you might want someone to walk in on you.

After all, it's totally hot. If this is your sexual fantasy, talk it out. Tell your partner: "Hey, I'm a voyeur," or "the idea of catching you doing this really turns me on.

Can we set up a scene in which we make this happen? Everyone has hangups that make them feel lesser-than when it comes to their bodies.

Let that ish go, especially when you're masturbating! Focus on the sensuality of your curves and how capable your body is of pleasure, rather than dwelling on parts you're not totally satisfied with like, say, your stomach.

Research has linked having a positive body image with sexual satisfaction, so do yourself a favor and love your body so you can, ya know, love your body.

It also doesn't have to be about whips and chains or whatever you might've read in erotic novels or seen in porn, unless that's what you're into.

So just let your imagination run wild and see where it takes you. Some women even fantasize about being with another woman or a girl-on-girl sexual scene, Millheiser says.

That's totally normal—and tbh, not that surprising, considering many straight women get off to lesbian porn. FWIW, if you're a lesbian and you masturbate thinking of a man, that's normal, too.

If your imagination just isn't cutting it no worries , there's no reason not to break out the big guns: porn, a sexy movie Sometimes the best way to beat distractions is to give yourself a direct scene to watch or pretend you're involved in.

But, says Richmond, the visual can come from your own imagination too. Thanks to audio erotica, you can listen to a tale that'll get you all hot and bothered and let your mind do the rest of the work.

Lube is great for sex, so yep, it also comes in handy for masturbation see what I did there? That's especially true if you're on birth control pills, which can cause vaginal dryness, Millheiser says.

FYI: Getting wet is a pretty important part of masturbating because "it makes stimulating your genitals much more comfortable. Don't believe me?

One study found that 50 percent of people said lube made it easier for them to orgasm. If dryness is a legit issue for you and you're not using a silicone sex toy, try silicone-based lubes, which last longer and reduce friction, Millheiser says.

But if you're just looking for a little extra wetness for more fun—or have a silicone vibe—stick to a water-based formula. It won't break down your buzzing friend.

From there, you can build up the sensation in other ways more on that in a sec. You switch positions in sex, so why not when you masturbate, too?

Some people like to rub their clit against the bed, while others like to lay on their backs. Some like to keep their knees bent; others like to splay their legs out straight, and others still like to lift their legs into a V-shape.

It doesn't matter what your personal taste is—but you won't know until you move around. Just because you're alone doesn't mean masturbation should be boring.

To avoid falling into that trap, be cool with trying something new. Always on your back? Turn over. Always use your hands?

Try a toy. Always in bed? Hop into a chair. The options are endless. I dabbled in masturbation in junior high school, absolutely devoted myself to the pursuit in high school and by the end of college, should have been teaching it.

Perhaps I can rectify that now. Consider this your first course. Time was, masturbation got a bad rap.

Nobody really talked about it much, even to their friends; it was embarrassing. A lonely last resort for those unable to get the real thing.

What bullshit, and a waste of good energy. The truth is, masturbation not only feels wonderful, but serves several useful purposes. I hear you.

Or maybe you have no significant other at the moment. Beats chess. They long to be tied up, spanked, and have a large object shoved up their asses by a beautiful stranger while their other hand is…well, you get the picture.

For these people, masturbation can mean the difference between a life of frustration and a situation they can tolerate.

Ever been there? For me, the best part of pleasuring yourself is the fantasies. There are no rules; nothing is out of bounds.

No restraints at all. Creativity is king. You can be having sheet-tearing sex with anyone and everyone you choose, anywhere you like.

Man, woman, cousin, movie-star, musician, athlete, teacher, porn-star, friend, boss…just to name a few. And your object of fantasy can say whatever you want them to.

Remember that high school flame you never got to fuck? Short skirt on the girl in the next cubicle got you revved up? Use that image. Jones, your junior-high school teacher with the short skirts and great legs?

The combinations of people and places and endless. The other half is what your mind can conjure that rarely — or never — happens in real life for you.

A friend of mine, for example, never has anal sex at home, but craves it deeply. She can smell his cologne as he comes closer; hear his breathing.

She jumps a little as she feels his tongue lick her ankle, making a wet path up her calf to her thighs. She shivers just a bit as her nipples begin to harden.

Her legs start to spread all on their own, but he takes her ass cheeks in his strong hands and spreads them apart.

Her asshole is open and exposed as he first licks small circles around it. Wetness seeps from her swollen pussy as he sticks his tongue in her ass.

Behind the blindfold, she sees stars — small explosions beneath her eyelids. She feels his weight and the hard muscles of his chest against her back as he climbs on top of her.

She opens her mouth to say — something — but as his hands cover her breasts and squeeze her nipples, no words come emerge.

Her hands reach down to the smooth folds of her pussy and, spreading her lips, she rubs the hard nub that makes her jaw quiver. Years ago, I never thought much about women masturbating; never realized they did.

Now that I know better, I have found that women seem to enjoy bringing themselves to orgasm in more passionate and creative ways than guys do; than I ever did.

Very hot. When I hear about what some women do, it makes me heart beat fast and gives me a lump in my throat, among other places. And this brings me to the reason for this article.

Sharing information is what helps us improve in every facet of our lives. I would have left a trail of happy women from CT back here to NJ.

It also would have helped me please myself a lot more. So in the interest of helping people please themselves, I offer the following information.

Late at night in your room, trying to be quiet and not let anyone see your flashlight. Being caught, of course, would be a fate worse than death.

Far worse. You may still be far away from the days when you masturbate in front of your lover, while she says nasty things to you, just for the turn on and because she likes to see you spurt cum.

Good times ahead if you pick the right girl. I have no doubt that I coaxed enough sperm to re-populate China.

For one, masturbating to fantasy alone is fine, but not as much fun as doing it while looking at adult photos in a magazine or on the Internet, watching a porn, or even reading a literotica story.

Certainly long enough to make yourself cum. When you have material like that, it tends to keep your mind from wandering. Of course, you have to have the time and place.

A childhood dream come true! There's no rush to get it done as quickly as possible: After all, we can only vacuum the apartment so many times a day.

Really take your time with it. Focus on your breath, try new sex toys , or get your prostate involved. Are you missing out on moves that could make your orgasms even more pleasurable?

Do you ever feel really horny after working out? You release hormones while working out, including adrenaline and dopamine a.

Zhana Vrangalova. Try pressing a vibrating sex toy to your perineum while stroking your penis with your other hand.

It's "sure to provide a different kind of orgasm," she says. There are also prostate massagers on the market that stimulate your perineum.

If you have a prostate that you can indirectly reach this way, that anal stimulation can be literally mind-blowing.

So how do you bring a little butt play into your next masturbation session? Vrangalova recommends using your hand or a prostate massage toy. These 7 prostate massagers are total game-changers!

She recommends the LOKI Wave , which "has a nice long handle you can hold with one hand while you stroke with the other, and the wave motion of the internal vibrating part hits the prostate just right.

Ever heard of the " death grip "? If you find yourself having a hard time reaching orgasm during sex with a partner, it might be because you're squeezing your penis too hard and stroking too fast during masturbation.

The 5-minute speed jerk is fine for most days. Work yourself right up to the edge of ejaculation and then take a short break—just enough time for your erection to soften a bit.

Then start the process over again.

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It's "sure to provide a different kind of orgasm," she says. There are also prostate massagers on the market that stimulate your perineum.

If you have a prostate that you can indirectly reach this way, that anal stimulation can be literally mind-blowing.

So how do you bring a little butt play into your next masturbation session? Vrangalova recommends using your hand or a prostate massage toy.

These 7 prostate massagers are total game-changers! She recommends the LOKI Wave , which "has a nice long handle you can hold with one hand while you stroke with the other, and the wave motion of the internal vibrating part hits the prostate just right.

Ever heard of the " death grip "? If you find yourself having a hard time reaching orgasm during sex with a partner, it might be because you're squeezing your penis too hard and stroking too fast during masturbation.

The 5-minute speed jerk is fine for most days. Work yourself right up to the edge of ejaculation and then take a short break—just enough time for your erection to soften a bit.

Then start the process over again. But Morse advises using your opposite hand in more creative ways. Turn your hand so it slides down your penis forefinger-first, and twist it as you stroke.

You could also try holding your penis against your stomach with one hand while rapidly sliding a few fingers up and down the underside of your shaft.

Like switching positions during sex, mixing in unfamiliar hand maneuvers can break up the tedium, Morse says.

The popular piece is a handheld column that you slip over your penis to simulate the feel of real vaginal or anal sex. You can even buy a phone strap accessory to free up both your hands.

When you're done having fun, make sure you clean your Fleshlight properly! There are nearly as many sex-specific nerve endings in your testicles as there are in your penis.

Some guys learn to ignore their penis entirely as they approach the big O, Morse says. United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories.

The 50 Most Unique Gifts for Guys. Duke Prostate Massager. Fun Factory lovehoney. Hugo Prostate Massager. Lelo lovehoney.

Lelo lelo. Loki Wave. Lelo feelmore Because of this messaging, many women feel stigma, shame, and guilt around masturbation.

And it's never too late to learn. Of course, there's no right or wrong way to masturbate to each vagina her own! Let's begin. Before you can "rock your body" Justin Timberlake—style, you first have to know your body.

I know you're probably thinking, duh! Brito recommends beginning your investigation the old-fashioned way: with a hand-held mirror.

For many women, the clit—home to some 15,! That is, once you find it easier said than done—just ask your ex. From the outside, all you'll be able to see is the clitoral hood—a flap of skin that retracts during sexual arousal—and the glans clitoris, a little button-like nub.

But that's only the tip of the orgasmic iceberg. Here's what's going on under the hood:. Those are the clitoris' "legs"—they're anywhere from 2.

You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

Once you finish your mini sex-ed lesson, Brito encourages you to "touch gently and, with curiosity, label the parts that feel most sensitive, arousing, ticklish, and uncomfortable.

You light candles and put on your fave sex playlist when you're about to get it on with another person, so why not put in the same amount of effort when it's DIY time?

You should, says Brito. After all, it's kinda hard to feel sexy if your room's covered in month-old laundry and yesterday's Chinese food containers no matter how good they might still smell.

Plus, Marie Kondo—ing your space can help clear your mind, giving you more room to focus on identifying what feels pleasurable and, consequently, increasing your chances of having that big O, Brito says.

Speaking of setting the mood, why save your sexiest underwear for an audience? Anything that makes you feel sexy—like that black lace bra you haven't worn since V-day—can put you in the right headspace for some next-level solo sex.

Even slipping it off can get you all kinds of turned on. As each article comes off, think about what your love most about your body, Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite your Pleasure previously told Women's Health.

Masturbation is "me time"—plain and simple. So do your best to pretend the outside world doesn't exist buh-bye, phone and tune into what's going on inside your bod.

Instead, she suggests "paying attention to sensations"—not unlike how you pay attention to your breath when meditating. That's because using your mind to zero in on the pleasure can seriously enhance your orgasm.

And that's, ya know, kinda the whole point. This one might seem obvious, but so many people skip it. Locking your door, even if you're home alone, can help you focus on play time by clearing your brain of any worry of someone barging in.

Sometimes that's all your mind really needs to get centered. It's not that it's so much about secrecy but about privacy, explains certified sex therapist and somatic psychologist, Holly Richmond , PhD.

Feeling like you have to keep things secret and hurrying up or hiding it in some way typically has more chances of creating shame around it.

In some cases, though, says Richmond, you might want someone to walk in on you. After all, it's totally hot.

If this is your sexual fantasy, talk it out. Tell your partner: "Hey, I'm a voyeur," or "the idea of catching you doing this really turns me on.

Can we set up a scene in which we make this happen? Everyone has hangups that make them feel lesser-than when it comes to their bodies. Let that ish go, especially when you're masturbating!

Focus on the sensuality of your curves and how capable your body is of pleasure, rather than dwelling on parts you're not totally satisfied with like, say, your stomach.

Research has linked having a positive body image with sexual satisfaction, so do yourself a favor and love your body so you can, ya know, love your body.

It also doesn't have to be about whips and chains or whatever you might've read in erotic novels or seen in porn, unless that's what you're into.

So just let your imagination run wild and see where it takes you. Some women even fantasize about being with another woman or a girl-on-girl sexual scene, Millheiser says.

That's totally normal—and tbh, not that surprising, considering many straight women get off to lesbian porn.

FWIW, if you're a lesbian and you masturbate thinking of a man, that's normal, too. If your imagination just isn't cutting it no worries , there's no reason not to break out the big guns: porn, a sexy movie Sometimes the best way to beat distractions is to give yourself a direct scene to watch or pretend you're involved in.

But, says Richmond, the visual can come from your own imagination too. Thanks to audio erotica, you can listen to a tale that'll get you all hot and bothered and let your mind do the rest of the work.

Lube is great for sex, so yep, it also comes in handy for masturbation see what I did there? That's especially true if you're on birth control pills, which can cause vaginal dryness, Millheiser says.

FYI: Getting wet is a pretty important part of masturbating because "it makes stimulating your genitals much more comfortable.

Don't believe me? One study found that 50 percent of people said lube made it easier for them to orgasm. If dryness is a legit issue for you and you're not using a silicone sex toy, try silicone-based lubes, which last longer and reduce friction, Millheiser says.

But if you're just looking for a little extra wetness for more fun—or have a silicone vibe—stick to a water-based formula. It won't break down your buzzing friend.

From there, you can build up the sensation in other ways more on that in a sec. You switch positions in sex, so why not when you masturbate, too?

Some people like to rub their clit against the bed, while others like to lay on their backs. Some like to keep their knees bent; others like to splay their legs out straight, and others still like to lift their legs into a V-shape.

It doesn't matter what your personal taste is—but you won't know until you move around. Just because you're alone doesn't mean masturbation should be boring.

To avoid falling into that trap, be cool with trying something new. Always on your back? Turn over. Always use your hands? Try a toy. Always in bed?

Hop into a chair. The options are endless. You might even consider changing up locations. If you're always getting touchy-feely with yourself in bed, move it to a chair, or the car if you're feeling especially adventurous, Hall suggests.

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